Friday, 26 December 2014

You Know It's Christmas When...

1. You are trapped between a fluffy cushion and your sleeping cat on the sofa, your head in a sleep-induced daze as you (fail to) burn off Christmas lunch - and the only thing which wakes you up is the prospect of going on a 10 mile run to burn just that second helping of roast potatoes, let alone everything else you gorged on!

2. After polishing off that glorious annual feast, the bathroom suddenly becomes your very best friend - who creates horrific memories that will scar you until the following Christmas. 

3. The road that you live in which is typically peaceful (as expected in a tiny, in-the-middle-of-nowhere village) is even quieter than usual at Christmas, making you wonder whether an apocalypse has gone down without your realizing it. Hence why 28 Days Later makes a brilliant film to watch at Christmas...

4. Lights of all kinds - the Christmas tree, rows upon rows of Yankee Candles (many of which you bought for your scent-obsessed mum) and even cigarette lighters - brighten your house in literally every corner, bringing the warm glow that defines outdoor shopping centres at this time of year. If you're missing out on some Boxing Day bargains, at least you can feel like you're in a shopping centre environment - without stepping outside!

5. Your determination to abstain from any sugary treats and fat-laden snacks is shaken when a plate piled with food as high as Mount Everest is placed in front of you, leading you to make a promise to start a new health regime in January. Although, judging by the many leftovers from the turkey, you aren't entirely sure whether you'll be able to start so early...

6 (for dark chocolate lovers - a.k.a. me - only). Despite complaining all year about the horrible flavour found in cheap and overly sweet chocolate, you are the very first to dive into a box of Roses (which, as soon as you bite into it, you immediately dislike with a passion) and decapitate Santa's head from Lindt's classic milk chocolate range on Christmas Day. Your anti-milk chocolate beliefs are quickly forgotten once a chunk of Lindt lands on your taste buds - which only Christmas has the power to influence!

7. Your heart is broken at the thought of Christmas Day ending, so you stay up for as long as possible before the clock strikes midnight on Boxing Day, trying your hardest to make your parents forget about the late hour (and force you to go to bed).

8. Um... when is bed time? 

9. Anything homemade is required to be gobbled down throughout the Christmas period - like attending school, it is a duty that you must maintain. Still, who in their right mind would complain about scoffing spicy sausage rolls, warming gingerbread (which my greedy brother loved a little too much) and oh-so-addictive mince pies? Not even Scrooge could bring himself to do so!

10. Films become the centre of your evenings - action, thrillers, romances, animations and classics hit the spot every time, giving you a temporary distraction from the festivities. After spending an entire day on feasting and being as lazy as you like, a film provides the perfect finale. And, if you're lucky to have Sky like me, you are spoilt for choice at this time of year - Frozen, anybody?

11. Music warms your heart, as does a heated mince pie. Having received three yesterday, I've been listening to Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande and Foster the People non-stop - the ultimate boredom buster. In between having fun, you are often seeking to enjoy something relaxing, which music completely lives up to. 

12. People are nicer towards each other, pushing problems aside and embracing the calming atmosphere that defines the festive season. In my family, this means that no jokes about football team rivalry are made over the dinner table which, as I'm often placed next to my Chelsea-supporting sibling, is quite a relief. Or perhaps it may be the good-feeling hormones from the turkey, who knows?

13. Overnight, the entire population morphs into bargain-mad creatures, scouring the high streets and online shops like an Ofsted inspector inspecting a school. Shops are suddenly filled with thousands of people from the moment they are reopened on Boxing Day, who are desperate to get their hands on whatever is in sight. As if I want to be the prey in a zoo, er, shopping centre...

14. Every single Christmas song is played every hour, every day and every week - before, during and after Christmas. Boring doesn't even begin to define how I feel when I hear All I Want for Christmas is You for the one hundredth and twenty sixth time on Christmas Eve!

15. You lose track of all the dates, only somehow managing to remember the day on which Christmas falls. 

16. All your cats (or, in my case, four of them) line up when you are carving the turkey, meowing sadly if none of it is given to them. Thank goodness it is only an annual occurrence... 

17. Like a bottle of champagne, you are bubbly and happy, feeling as though nothing apart from a sudden weight gain can touch you. If only such an euphoric feeling was felt so strongly through the year!

Merry Christmas!

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