Wednesday 22 June 2016

Slaying Stress Like A Kick-Ass Slayer!

As I reach the halfway point during my first week without the likes of half-lives and half-equations (which the drunk teen-loving AQA exam board will happily introduce to you on their Science syllabus) occupying a single second of my time, I suppose that returning to Planet Normal is still a work in progress. OK, I might have finally discovered why Netflix has such a mesmerising hold over a significant proportion of the teenage population since signing up to a month's free trial on Sunday - all thanks to watching the American teen drama Pretty Little Liars which, despite being complete with heavily and rather irritatingly overused cliches (such as a pretty girl falling for the wrong guy - never amiss in the world of teen drama, is it not?), I've rather fallen head over heels for. Well, being immersed in a universe complete with girls possessing perfectly curled hair and pencilled-in eyes (which, unlike my mediocre efforts, don't make them resemble pandas rebelling as goths) is certainly more enchanting than watching countless videos on YouTube about simple molecules and direct currents! 

However, today's entry will not be entirely devoted to pouring over a fictional reality which, despite perking up my Tuesday afternoons big-time (especially as literally 90% of TV programmes at the moment are either dedicated to the Euros or tomorrow's EU referendum), has not had any significant impact on my life of late. In fact, I'd rather take the time to discuss a matter with which I'm sure many others - especially of my age group - will be familiar: stress. 

Wrapped up in layers of self-hatred, coated with lashings of fear and baked in piles of panic, stress can present itself in a variety of situations in, as you have probably already guessed, numerous ways. Apparently, a little dose of stress is supposed to be harmless - and could indeed be perceived as quite good, if you are one of the fortunate types who can channel it into adrenaline and an unquenchable thirst to succeed. In an ideal world, stress would never dare to present itself as a problem because it would merely motivate us during the occasions when it would help us, such as exam season. Believe me, if I was a lucky resident in an oh-so-perfect utopian society, stress would definitely guarantee me a collection of A*s - thus eliminating any fears that I have over my impending GCSE results. 

Unfortunately, one has to face reality at one point or another - regardless of how devastating it is to accept that none of Versace's dresses will ever be reduced to £10 in a sale at TK Maxx, which is obviously the last sort of news that any fashionista would like to hear! Bearing this fact in mind, stress is definitely capable of having a detrimental effect on a person - and, instead of motivating one to push themselves further in order to achieve their aspirations, it can serve as a barrier to making their dreams into a living reality. 

To my sheer relief, stress never threatened me from surviving my recent GCSE exams; in fact, I began to adopt the view that, if I wasn't feeling a bit stressed, perhaps I was being too overconfident, which could have been a sign of bad luck. Obviously, some people don't believe in superstition and generally I would dismiss it because, when it comes to exams, only yourself can determine your future - hence why exams are based on your knowledge, not your so-called 'ability' to predict grade boundaries or questions that could appear in the paper! However, I do reserve the belief that cockiness can have a wicked way of biting one in an unpleasant part of the body (not literally!) because I would rather underestimate myself then put my entire heart and soul into the exam, which motivates me to carry on working when, if I simply assumed that I would only need to write my name down on the paper to achieve an A*, I probably would have given up long ago. Thus, if I allow some stress to seep into my bloodstream, I'm proving to myself that I care about my future and ultimately myself, which reiterates my determination to lead the best life that I can possibly lead. 

Nevertheless, I have a tendency to bury any anxious emotions and feelings I may have under imaginary piles of clothes which, as my anxieties increase, simply grows: indeed, my stress levels must have been vast enough to fill an entire warehouse during the one week in which I sat seven exams! And why is that, you ask? Just as it is capable of helping you, stress shares an equal ability to mark a spiral into self-destruction - which I thought would only arise if I allowed it to be felt. Undoubtedly, there were so many occasions when I felt like crawling into my bed and never rising from the covers during weeks in which I had exams; as thrilled as I was to finally get the 'beasts' out of the way and progress to the next part of my life, I felt so powerful and powerless at the same time as I knew that my every waking second determined whether I will be able to enter my chosen career path. 

As a teenager, gaining these responsibilities during what feels like such a short space of time is petrifying - at this age, who truly wants to be held accountable for possibly slamming shut a door that could have a major impact on your opportunities and life chances? And it didn't really help that, during this period, my head was swimming with statistics over life chances (which are worsened by failing or doing badly in GCSEs) for my Sociology exams...

Despite my rather well-executed efforts to ignore my feelings - hence why anyone who communicated with me during the exam period might have recognised certain similarities between emotionless robots and myself (pretty much the only way I could resist the urge to scream with heartfelt fear during my Maths exam!) - my body, on the other hand, had other ideas. For starters, the idea of indulging in a bit of chocolate - which never fails to boost my mood thanks to the feel-good endorphins that it releases (exactly why eating something sweet before an exam is a good idea) - no longer seemed appealing to me as I began to feel uncomfortably uneasy ahead of sitting an exam. Indeed, if an exam was scheduled to be held in the afternoon, you can imagine - or probably have experienced - the somewhat hunger-induced panics over surviving the exam whilst force-feeding a sandwich down your throat as a means of preventing a fainting fit during the exam itself. Not precisely my idea of fun (which would be a thousand miles away from anything exam-related!), yet that simply demonstrates how demonic stress is: it can limit you in ways that you had previously never considered were possible. 

Due to still being around - and officially free of exams (until my AS-levels next year, yet I'd rather paint that thought out of my mind for the next few months!) - I guess that I managed to quench my stressful woes because, as many have endured, it can either crush you or provide a platform for making you into a stronger person. My advice? Let it out when you need to - but keep a lid on it. Like Pandora's box, you don't want to open your compressed can of stress too much because, if you do, it could provide too much of a distraction from what truly matters above any of your fears: surviving your exams, or anything else that is the primary source of your worries. The night before my Chemistry exam last week, I craved nothing more than to sob over how I would never comprehend the formula for producing crystals. And I eventually did sob, except that I refused to give myself an eternity to do so; in fact, letting your emotions run wild can make you feel even more stressed as you may be worrying over unimportant matters. As if you really need to be thinking of anything else during that time! 

Also, another way of beating stress is to maintain an ordinary and regular routine as best as you can. Although the time I spent for revision obviously increased like mad during the exam period, I still went to bed at my usual time, ate dinner with my family as always and logged onto Facebook for a little while every day after school. Maintaining a sense of normality was vital for preserving my sanity during exams because sitting 19 exams (if I remember the figure correctly) within the space of several weeks was anything but normal! Over time, I've read numerous articles about people abandoning Facebook and staying up until the early hours revising for exams, which I personally don't think benefits you; when faced with stress, you want to indulge in comforts that calm you, which I suppose is your mental armour for battling against anxiety woes. I truly dread to think what I would have been like if I swapped my relatively early bedtimes for extremely late ones the night before I had as many as two exams the following day - no way would I have been living in my house, let alone still eating meals with my family!

Lastly, remember that your stress exists for a reason; no such feelings appear out of nowhere because your mind randomly wants to feel pressurised and uncomfortable. And, because of that, constantly think of that reason - your stress is present because you want to do well and make yourself proud, for which no one can fault you! While the source of your stress is present, you feel that it will never go away, but believe me, it does... and you'll probably find yourself wondering why you never relaxed more afterwards!


Sunday 19 June 2016

The Return of the Exam-Free Teen

For the first time in three months - a time during which literally 99.9% of my time has been dedicated to revising, studying and trying to discover the importance of knowing how a series circuit works (two days on from my Physics exam, I am still no closer to realising it!) - I have plucked up the courage to return to my virtual safe haven: this personal and perfect blog that I'm proud to call my own. 

Until my browser loaded the Blogger page several minutes ago, I hadn't even dared to consider the length of time that had passed since I had posted my last entry. Well, I suppose that, the longer that you have been away from something, the more terrifying it is to return to it - who knows, maybe I might have returned to this blog and suddenly decided that it no longer served any purpose in my life? Thankfully, I don't think that will be an issue! 

Indeed, my life of late has felt very dream-like - albeit not in an oh-so-perfect, Disney-style manner if you really want to know (as if Cinderella would be caught revising the quadratic formula at her extravagant dinner table) - and out-of-place thanks to being caught up in the whirlwind that were my GCSE exams. Notice how I used 'were' instead of 'are' just there? Since twelve minutes past ten on Friday morning, my GCSEs - which I had spent months (OK, that's a lie - let;s say years) revising and planning for as though my life depended on it (which is certainly true if I want to get into my chosen sixth form) are officially over. Like N'Sync splitting up, GCSEs are no longer part of my everyday life because, as is the case with all great things (though one would be seriously deluded to place the words 'cosmic microwave background radiation' and 'fantastic' in the same sentence), they have reached their natural end. 

And, without a single doubt in my mind, I am relieved that I am completely and utterly finished with them!!!

If anyone had been in possession of a camera back on Friday morning after my final exams - the ghastly Additional Physics, which was definitely my worst exam of all (even if the stupidest of idiots of all instinctively know that, if you can't answer the first question within a minute of staring at the blasted page, your dreams of breezing through the paper are as non-existent as Poundworld selling authentic Chanel handbags) - they would have thought that I had totally lost my mind. The reason why? I was cackling like the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz as I dumped my blazer and revolting pleated skirt (which I constantly had to roll up as it always threatened to fall down my waist due to being at least two sizes too big for me - always a great distraction during an exam, of course!) into the school bins, giddy with delight that those horrible garments would never be placed on my skin ever again! 

In many ways, I kind of wishing that someone had been filming me because, at least in British schools where wearing a uniform is the norm, nothing feels as liberating as getting rid of an outfit that I have always associated with conformism: a societal norm that I have long regarded as an absolute bitch. At my school - or should I say 'old' as I haven't applied to go to their sixth form in September? - I detested being treated in the same way that was reserved for those who never tried hard or fooled around which, of course, didn't apply only to the uniform, but other areas. Therefore, I never really felt like myself whilst wearing the uniform because it rebelled against the identity that I openly express in other areas of my life, such as blogging - still, I guess that I've become so used to wearing it that the prospect of being free to wear whatever I want (within a certain range as skin-tight dresses barely longer than a belt are certainly unacceptable) will take me a while to get used to!

Anyway,  I'm now taking the time to return to Planet Normal - which, to my relief, does not feature any quadratic equations or diagrams of plant cells (pretty useless to know when I always shy away from all things related to gardening!) - and shall be doing so for the remainder of my summer, which lasts around ten weeks until I hopefully start at my chosen sixth form. How will I mark my descent to Planet Normal? As literally everything in my life has recently been the spitting image of craziness - what with sitting awkwardly on my bed with the company of my cat, Bart, whilst cramming as many facts about acids and alkalis into my head as possible and panicking over failing my Science exams - my norm of late, I've somewhat forgotten what 'normal' actually is! 

However, I've got my NCS programme lined up, which starts on 11th July and will last four weeks; as I've heard so many people describe what brilliant and life-changing experiences they had from participating in it, I absolutely can't wait to start! Although it presents the prospect of meeting new people - which, like lots of others, slightly makes me want to retreat and hide in the cupboard like my cats do because I'm naturally a shy person - I'm looking forward to overcoming these little fears and become more confident around a range of different people, which will truly help me cope with making new friends when sixth form begins. Luckily, one of my friends is also doing NCS on the same week as me, so I'm glad that there will be at least someone I know who will be there, which I'm sure is an equal relief for herself, too. 

As for everything else, I've decided to adopt the 'come what may' attitude as my new ethos; for the first time in months, I don't have to plan every single second of my day around revising, sleeping or completing 150 sit-ups because what controlled my routines has abruptly ceased to exist, which has submerged me into a universe of complete and utter freedom. Will the GCSE fairy scold me if I decide to watch four back-to-back episodes of True Blood in an entire day when, just a matter of weeks ago, I would have spent that time completing piles of past papers and creating flashcards? Unless she is willing to haunt those who either didn't turn up to their exams or were caught breaking exam rules (such as the fool who was disqualified for using their phone during my English Language exam - such foolishness within people never dies, huh?), I don't think so! 

Even though yesterday - my first proper day with absolutely no revision or exam panic clouding a second of my time - made me feel like I had wandered into an alternate universe because it suddenly dawned on me that I now have so much free time without my studies, I'm slowly but gradually adjusting to life beyond GCSEs. Although I always knew that this moment would come - because, if it didn't, I might as well be living a prison sentence! - I was so focused on getting through my exams that I had forgotten about life after them, yet I don't think that any amount of preparation could have made this transition process any easier. 

Undoubtedly, I could not be prouder of my efforts and hard work over the past two years and, fingers crossed, Results Day on 25th August will be a day filled to the brim with utter joy and elation - in fact, I seriously think that my teachers are more impatient to find out my results than me! Of course, not everything was as flawless as everyone secretly hopes and wishes life would be - especially as Maths and Science have long been my weaker subjects (hence why I respect and admire anyone who flourish in them!) - but now I have done my absolute hardest and will have to wait two months until my future is officially confirmed. Honestly, what is the point in worrying over grades when there are numerous factors that are unknown, such as grade boundaries, number of examiners and numerous other possibilities? Still, part of me cannot wash away the feeling that I'll be waking up at two in the morning two days before 25th August, cursing myself over my horrifically awful Physics exam...

What now, you ask? That, I don't quite know - and, in some ways, I don't really want to find out yet because, like all magnificent tales, they simply happen without being planned. Maybe I might write a novel after being inspired whilst having a shower, or I could decide to become fluent in Spanish - which, no matter what, I will learn to a certain degree this summer. Or, better still, I might go shopping for some new clothes - well, who would begrudge me such an opportunity? Fortunately, I have a month-long free trial of Netflix to try out, so perhaps I'll create a list of all of the TV shows (and films!) to watch within the space of four, screen-dominated weeks. Ooh, maybe I'll...

No matter what, I guess that the list is endless - and that is exactly what I want this summer to be. No barriers. No rules. No self-suppression - just lashings and giant-sized spoonfuls of unrequited freedom and liberty. Well, what more could I ask for?

Meanwhile, I will myself to lock my AS-level past papers away in a box up until September...