Monday, 22 December 2014

A Guide to What to Not Buy a Fussy Teen

Firstly, there is something very important that I need to tell you. It is of such importance that, on an evening when I could be snuggling into my bed with an episode of The Vampire Diaries playing on my laptop, I feel that it is of extreme urgence to relieve myself of the weight I'm carrying on my chest. 

Oh well, here goes - therefore welcoming the cycle of shame that typically accompanies one to WeightWatcher meetings after the indulgent Christmas period. I'm a fussy person. Wait, let me redefine the adjective fussy: I am a very difficult person to cater for. My type of personality cannot be defined by gift guides and present suggestions on Amazon which, as Christmas gets nearer and nearer, is nothing short of a pain for those seeking to buy a present for me. From clothing to the percentage of cocoa in chocolate bars (as of Friday, 90% by Lindt is my new found love), it is unpredictable as to what I will like - and dislike with a major passion. 

Still, I realize how fortunate I am to have parents who, like the entire lyrics on Taylor Swift's Fearless album, know me inside out, so can usually determine what will go down a treat with me, especially when it comes to Christmas. Fifteen years - or, if I count the presents opened the Christmas before I was born and made the world a more fabulous place to live in - of buying gifts for a daughter who sometimes doesn't even know which colour lipstick to wear, let alone what to get for Christmas, teaches you how to search high and low for that 'ultimate' gift - hopefully I'll master that skill when I have children one day, otherwise I may never survive birthdays and the like! 

However, the rest of the world is unlikely to choose gifts as successfully as your nearest and dearest who, depending on each case, can categorised as family or even friends. As awful as the memories may be, everybody has been the deeply unlucky recipient of an atrocious present at least once in their lifetime - remember ripping open a package excitedly and having your world turned down by the sight of a ghastly pair of socks? Unless you are a member of the Royal Family or have handed out a gift list beforehand, I seriously doubt that avoiding the Gift from Hell is possible, though there are several people (whom I greatly envy) who get through their lives without being burdened with a 1000 piece jigsaw or skin scrub which is guaranteed to irritate your acne-prone skin. 

For some of us, our Christmases can be defined by bad presents and, like the numerous bags of satsumas that go uneaten throughout the festive period, are treated as an annual tradition. If I bothered to calculate the value (if any) of the crummy presents I've received over the years, I could have earned enough money to splash out on something that I would really want - perhaps a designer necklace or a fresh wardrobe of on-trend clothes? Of course, I may never discover the true figure, but nonetheless questions like these make me wonder whether that Vivienne Westwood necklace could have ever been claimed as my own. 

So, this question leads to this: what does a teenager not want to be presented with on Christmas Day? Speaking for fellow teens and maybe those possessing basic common sense, you should be able to suss out what a teenager wouldn't dream of receiving - with an exception of myself, a copy of Frozen definitely won't spare a 'cool' teen any blushes! Still, it is never a bad idea to go unprepared when entering the world of teen presents; and, whatever you do, do not rely on the long-deceased trends that were alive during your teenage years. Just don't. Please. 

A shaver
A gift or a dig at the hairy stubble on your legs? Not one for the wishing-to-impress boyfriends!
For an occasion like Christmas, I'm sure that you can think of something more pleasing than a shaver which, in a woman's mind, is received as a secret message, declaring that all of those hairs which you spent three hours to destroy on Christmas Eve still need to be destroyed - and are more obvious than ever. No woman wishes to be reminded of her body hair which, in a culture like ours, we are pressurised to get rid of, despite men having the freedom to be as hairy and shaved as they wish. A shaver is a personal purchase that only the user should buy - without feeling the pressure of relations who truly reside on the Planet Clueless instead of the more sane Earth.

A revision guide
Are you a killjoy or what for not allowing your precious child to have a revision-free holiday at Christmas? 
As much as I love learning, the very last thing that I want at Christmas is being reminded of what sometimes seems to be my main purpose in life - spending hours in books filled with words that are as meaningless as the lyrics in a One Direction song. Of course, teenagers should be encouraged to revise, but why heap even more pressure onto their already stressed selves by giving a revision guide as their main present? 

Board games
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Ever wondered what the true meaning of 'board' was? Its pronunciation says it all for you - the dull expression on a teenager's face, who are so bored to sleep that they cannot even be bothered to put on an extravagant smile to whoever has given Monopoly to them. For the 13th time. 

Gift cards

The ultimate bugbear for fussy teens everywhere, gift cards can both be a blessing and disaster in disguise. On a positive note, you could be able to spend tons of money at a particular store - but you have no say in which it will be, so you may only be restricted to a shop which is as exciting as watching paint dry (such an over-used and, um, boring expression to use, you know). If I were to be given a gift card, one for Amazon or H&M would go down a treat - as for anything else, my face would be a picture of disappointment because I would have to spend money at shops whose products I really dislike. Hence why I think that, if you are going to give someone money, you should hand over a cheque instead of trapping them with a gift card - which saves plenty of hassle all round.

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