How To Be Like Me - The LikeATeen Way!

Before the thought even crosses your mind, I doubt whether it is likely that anybody or anything (sorry, the spine-tingling thrilling second season of The Vampire Diaries) can prevent me from logging onto my laptop and chatting nineteen to the dozen on blog at the moment, so any hopes of my staying well clear of Blogger have just been dashed - what would you expect me to do if there isn't a hint of the sunshine bursting through my window for the duration of this cloud-tastic day?

Immersing myself into the starry-eyed pleasure of writing to my heart's content, this colourless (if you've bothered to catch the weather forecast), yet pleasant day has inspired me to discuss one thing which never stands a chance of boring me to an oh-so-painful death: myself. Yes, LikeATeen has switched on the brag-till-you-stick-your-fingers-into-your-ears mode, but definitely not in the irritating ways which immediately come to mind.

You see, long ago I accepted that not every single person fighting a Facebook addiction or surfing the internet like a Hawaiian surfer is a young, wrinkle-free teenager like myself, despite the title of this blog proclaiming otherwise. Regardless of one's age, Life as a Modern Teen is a website which everyone is entitled to accessing, particularly if my grammatical skills are appreciated (am I the only person who screams with anger at the ghastly sight of text speak)?). And so, in order to get you into the mood of this blog's profound message, has the thought of not only learning about, but also thinking and behaving like a teenager ever occurred to you? Please, I don't want to be blamed as the culprit for a legion of pensioners being arrested for skateboarding near the local supermarket, a hobby of which I'll specially reserve towards my exercise-mad brother (well, he does love everything sold in Sports Direct, after all), but my idea of being a modern teenager are rather realistic and similar to the ones which many people can relate to.

Perhaps to the shock of adults everywhere, I have no itching, uncomfortable-as-a-pair-of-skinnier-than-Keira-Knightley's-waist-jeans desire to attend drink-fuelled parties or create a scrapbook-load of memories which I'd spent a lifetime trying to forget, yet would struggle to shield myself from the cheek-flaring flashbacks of losing all remains of my sanity. Even today I'm not quite sure what those embarrassing memories would be - a quick look at Katy Perry's Last Friday Night music video can only offer so much inspiration, you know - but there is only a slim possibility of my 'skinny dipping in the dark' and anything else ever taking place in real life!

Despite sounding almost as dull as eight year old brainiac Lisa Simpson or the glasses-wearing Saffy in Absolutely Fabulous, I can assure you that I was indeed born as part of the current Generation Y (for I am a nineties baby after all) and have been exposed the joys of modern living - how could you possibly get closer to living in the 21st century if a fail-proof Kitchenaid mixer is counted as one of your trustworthiest pals?

At the end of the day, I am who I choose to be and my teenage years - if you get past the spot-related trauma and the atmosphere-dampening moods which surely follow - have indicated that my personality and sense of self burst into existence like a blueberry muffin exploding into a cake-like beauty in an oven. And here, I'm going to tell you how to be like me - and what other way is possible than the one in which LikeATeen specialises? I'll be honest that the transition has not been an easy one and undoubtedly still has a couple of hurdles to leap over, but, like my parents have a habit of telling me, Rome wasn't built in one day!

I just hope that my little brother makes an effort to avoid my blog as usual (along with his lunchtime hobby of creating an unsaveable building on Minecraft, YouTube + Pewdiepie = no free time) otherwise I will have another moody teenager on my hands...

1) Scare your brother: In order to claim the title of a strong, not-to-be-messed-with teenager (a.k.a. moi, of course), sending chills of fear down the spine of your younger sibling - or in my case, a younger, yet annoying taller brother - commands authority and makes you feel surprisingly powerful, like the CEO of a successful business.
OK, I may not have super-duper aspirations to be the next chairwoman of Apple or the most respected businesses at the moment, but I do like to receive some respect from a person who irritates me more than anybody else in the world: my brother. After years of being landed into trouble because of his misbehaviour, age and a hint of adolescence annoyance have taught me quite a few things which are not necessarily found in one's GCSE Law book; in order to place one in their place, laying down the rules is a must, and that is exactly what I've done with my little brother in recent years.
From kicking him near his nuttier-than-a-bag-of-almonds area to threatening to grab hold of his beloved Soccer School trophies, I've finally got my message across to him - despite struggling to see the TV behind his bushier-than-a-tree head, I, his older and fantastically dressed sister, am the boss. Or so I like to believe when I thrust my fist in front of his eyes as he places one marshmallow too many onto his desert-dry lips at lunchtime.
Yet, as he has increasingly gotten stronger and is now in the running to appear in the next Marvel blockbuster, I'm questioning whether I scare him as much as I used to as a young child. Watching Alien multiple times must cure one of nail-biting fear, right? For now, I'll be looking for new tactics which will work as effectively...

2) Laugh, Laugh, Laugh: If I hadn't realized this secret years ago, my face would permanently be contorted into a miserable frown, which would certainly quicken the aging process in years to come (ah, the fears of getting your first wrinkle scares me more than the trailer for The Exorcist!).
In order to survive being the butt of jokes and the unfortunate victim of my brother's games - saying all of this probably makes my brother look like a cackling villain when, in fact, he is the best friend I could ever have - I came up with an idea which has so far taken my life by storm: laughter.
Despite what you may believe, laughing about falling prey to embarrassing situations is the cure to maintaining some self-respect because people do appreciate those who keep their sense of humour intact - and who wouldn't? If Jennifer Lawrence can get away with falling over twice at the Oscars with a massive grin on her face and become one of the most famous women the world because of it, I guess that the same is applied to myself though I have yet to receive a single ounce of fan mail.
Also, laughing supposedly helps you burn off last night's Chinese takeaway, which makes it seem far more appealing than stalking around the house like a gothically dressed ghost. Next time I tuck into a plate of fried chicken balls and rice, I hope to watch a comedy film afterwards - who would have the desire to swell to the size of a greasy ball of moist chicken? Laughs away!

3) Switch your brain on: If there is anything which I find more annoying than the tuneless vocalists somehow getting to the live finals of The X Factor, it is certainly behaving like a headless chicken - in other words, failing to use your brain to its highest ability.
Considering that most of us are destined to live for quite a while, we should aspire to achieve the most as we can whilst we are still living on this planet which, if the dangerous pollution levels suggest anything, is quite a wonder.
Playing down your intelligence to fit in with a certain crowd only stands out as one thing to me: stupidity. Did you read that? If you claim that you didn't, there is no possible way that I'm likely to repeat it - you know what I said. According to modern legend (or what many American high school films feature, to my annoyance), those who live up to their full potential at this particular age are immediately branded as 'geeks' and 'dorks', both of which seriously don't deserve a place in the English language.
Why should people display such frightful hatred to those who are making the most of their brain? Therefore, I stopped caring about what others think about me years ago because only one thing matters: staying true to myself. And if it means that I stand a higher-than-Mount-Kilimanjaro possibility of winning some money on a game show, that makes it even better!
You see, it definitely pays to be smart and the teenage years are the best time to strengthen your skills beyond a level which many don't deem as believeable. My blog is proof of this soon-to-be-famous fact, though I, um, haven't earnt a single penny from complaining about my complexion-related issues. Yet.

And finally (as a second round of rich tea biscuits tempts me), 4) Run a blog: From the offset, I definitely knew that this one would be on the card because running this blog has come to define me since I set it up last year; every other day, my family peek into my room (if I even realize it) and see me staring at my reflection on the screen, thinking of how to construct another paragraph or a witty anecdote which I'm willing to disclose to you.
Depending on the subject of your blog, certain rules apply when running it but if you were to create one vaguely similar to mine (please don't become a copycat - those felines are sincerely unwelcome!), I have quite some advice for you:
1) Be as natural as a Hollywood superstar can be whilst doing their shopping in their ultra designer clothes. In other words, write in a tone which you find comfortable and allows your writing ability to shine brighter than a Tiffany's necklace. Which I still haven't received.
2) Never feel tempted to follow the crowd because a particular style is trending; as you know, seasons change and so do interests, which makes a website solely dedicated to Justin Bieber's expanding criminal record a rather pointless idea. The best blogs are those which stay true to their original causes and don't strike the readers as a rip-off from another website which they may follow - and who wouldn't agree?
3) Live and breathe your passion for writing! If you're wondering why I dedicate such a chocolate bar-sized chunk of my time towards running my blog, it is purely down to my love of jotting down my thoughts and expressing my creativity through the all-mighty power of language. Also, I reckon that your English teacher would be pretty thrilled that you are using the skills he or she taught you in your spare time; perhaps an Easy A is only a blog entry away from becoming a reality...
4) Needless to say, don't think twice about using correct grammar and punctuation. Like stuffing a bag of salty Doritos down your throat, it is an absolute, no-questions-asked must. Enough said.
5) And, if you don't mind, I'd quite love to be some sort of an inspiration. I, LikeATeen, rather fancy the idea of becoming a writing role model - it would probably be the nearest I would get towards enjoying fifteen minutes of fame!

Oh, and I almost forgot one thing: have fun. No, I'm not just talking about running a blog or whatever, but it applies to every single aspect of life. You might not think whilst staring at your teacher's back during French in the afternoon, but life is supposed to be enjoyed and appreciated whenever possible - and now that you've realized the true meaning of it, why don't you search for your perfectly sized piece of happiness?