The Aftermath of Excitement

Barely an hour since I half-forced, half-willingly left the comforting warmth of my bed in favour of getting on with a new day. I'm lying back on my leopard print duvet, caught in thought over how I even got here, let alone found myself falling into a semi-deep sleep while the rest of the neighbourhood awakens. It's a Sunday morning and, as tradition has almost always been, being stuck in our thoughts while lunging our arms into the high-as-a-tower cupboard for some cereal is a typical incident on a day like this, which rings home the truth that weekends are all but dedicated to expressing one's inner lazy chic minus any restraints.

A day ago, it took me all that I had (surprisingly, it included an energy-boosting apple of the Jazz variety, if you are so intrigued with fruit) to stay awake and keep going as I recovered from the day before's events, which involved my very first day of secondary school after being home-schooled for the past seven years. As soon as I arrived home after school finished, my inner chatterbox was awakened as I talked non-stop about my classes and the new friends that I'd made, seemingly speeding at 100mph without neither giving myself a break from discussing it nor thinking about it. Even by the time that I went to bed, my mind kept rewinding certain parts from the day and, if I could remember clearly, might have also featured in my dreams, though my memory is as useless as a goldfish's when I'm startled awake in the oh-so-bright morning. Needless to say, I was not only recollecting the day, but was still living it as though the calender date had never changed and was indeed stuck in that particular moment in time - so how was I supposed to feel the day afterwards?

With no lessons to attend or any friends to talk to during and in between breaks, it came as a massive shock to my system that I wouldn't be experiencing the highs of walking through the school gates as I did twenty four hours before, sending my emotions into an erratic spin. While my day had been structured to a fashion that not a single moment had been wasted nor wasn't following a specific plan at school, I was free to do whatever I wished at home - a freedom which all teenagers relish - but hardly any time had passed before I stumbled across a big problem: there wasn't anything that I wanted to do. Apart from writing about the previous day's events on my blog and washing my hair, the rest of yesterday's plans melted into a non-existence that everybody dreads whenever a sickly bout of boredom is coming our way, pushing aside potential desires to engage in any activities which could beat the fatigue-related blues. Besides, I quickly grew tired because, having been too excited to get more rest before preparing for school the day before, my body was struggling to catch up on the sleep that it needed, a consequence of which I'm still paying for a day on.

Does it seem so cruel that, for all the effort you put into excelling at whatever you want to do, it typically results in awful after-effects once that precious moment that you'd been waiting for has passed, that excitement gone with the bat of an eyelid? One moment I was bursting with delight at the prospect of making new friends and attending lessons, then out of the blue I was struggling to deal with returning to reality, my perfect day of learning and cherishing new experiences as far away as the joy which had swept me into a wave of elation several days ago. As many of us have either realized or been exposed to at one point or another, letting go of previous events is difficult as it is sometimes a struggle to except that, despite it representing a specific meaning to us, the moment is over and we must focus our attention elsewhere.

By saying this, I don't mean that we should automatically break off our line of thought full-stop when it is no longer relevant to our current activities - otherwise what would be the point of cherishing memories? - but we ought to distinguish whether these events are interfering with the present and, as I have just learnt, our emotions. If it wasn't for the fact that one foot was stuck in the classroom and the other was firmly placed at home, my feelings of loneliness and hunger-like cravings to return to Friday may never have come into existence, but at least I have since mastered the art of distinguishing the hard-to-notice differences between remembering fondly to staying behind in the past.

Maybe what I hadn't quite anticipated - or, as I suspect, prevented myself from hoping for, in fear of my hopes being let down - was that my first day at school would involve so many great things which hadn't even crossed my mind beforehand, most of which took me by surprise. For example, I hadn't expected to meet many people who would later hang out with me at break and lunchtime, all of whom took huge interest in me and were very amical about my previous means of education. In some ways, I had made more of a preparation for some students to make remarks about my former home-educated status because, as I discussed in full detail in yesterday's entry, I was wary about people dismissing home education as a weird practice, most worryingly tagging me with an unpleasant title or singling me as the odd one out.

Astonishingly, it didn't take long until it dawned upon me that my fellow classmates were of the friendly nature that I'd hoped for, each and every one of their kindness touching me deeper than I'd realized at the time. Besides, there were hardly any moments to spare as I was either caught up in a conversation with my friends or learning the ropes at the school, such as finding my classes and studying the rules off heart. As you may have worked out long before my sluggish mind has,  yesterday was my true proper day to contemplate about these squeaky-new changes as no lessons - or mini food fights on semi-wet grass - were available to captivate my attention, steering me away from the craziness which surrounds my mind.

At the moment, I'm feeling less dazed and more 'with it' (otherwise known as in the flow or whatever you refer to your state of mind) than yesterday, partly due to listening to West Coast whilst lying in bed at seven in the morning, but I still have almost all of today to rifle through my thoughts, putting certain feelings into separate piles until I resume my organized manner once again. If I'd been informed of the now well-known fact that excitement results in an exhaustion similar to a hangover once the fun has been had, perhaps I wouldn't have given way to overusing my energy before I had enough to continue with my party of a day at school earlier this week. Surely this must be the way that one feels if they spend more money than what is currently available in their bank account? As strange as it sounds, I feel like I'm borrowing energy which doesn't really exist, unsurprisingly affecting my metabolism and attitude towards making the most of every moment. How I'm somehow keeping my body up-and-running is as much of a mystery as my little brother's fascination with zombie apocalypses, yet I shouldn't really muster the ever-so-precious energy to contemplate about that one, should I?

This exhaustion brings back memories of the first few days that my family and I spent after moving home which, having all but lived for the occasion in the weeks leading up to moving day, caught up with us in a spectacular fashion as soon as the big event came and went. Despite being half-asleep at the time, I still recall opening my eyes the day after we moved, believing for a split second that I was sleeping in my old bedroom, though the differences between my old and current rooms are easily distinguishable. Although I have thankfully not forgotten where I live (for now), I can relate to the dazed state which I was in around two months ago, a problem of which affects literally everything you do. But that problem only gets out of hand if you give it V.I.P. access to all aspects of your life - in other words, it's a battle worth fighting for!

Being tired may affect my willpower (and desire to finish off a bag of Maltesers before lunchtime), yet I haven't lost sight of my determination to beat this small, yet hefty battle which needn't steer me off focus from the most important part of my life: education. By deciding to return to school, I was letting myself in for a manic ride of emotions which, at the beginning, can produce side-effects as you get used to a new scenario and, as it goes without saying, a new way of life. With these facts in mind, it never once dented nor harmed my ambition to attend secondary school because positivity - and success - was more than likely to be discovered at the end of it which, as my confidence soars higher and higher, I'm taking steps towards achieving. If a short-lived bout of sleepiness was all but guaranteed in the deal, so be it: what is the harm if it is only supposed to last a short length of time?

For the next week until half-term finishes, I have enough time to come to terms with my new form of education, along with preparing to attend school for five days a week and working towards studying my GCSEs. Deep down, I know that I'm alright, but catching sight of puffy eyes doesn't help lift one's spirits, does it? My brother has also been complaining about his tiredness, so at least I don't feel like the only one whose sleep has been affected (though I don't wish a restless night upon anybody!). As long as I can keep an eye on my brother at our new school and I have plenty of friends to hang out with, I'm confident about doing well at school, which will keep my hopes alive as I continue to adjust to these oh-so-many changes.

Unlike today, the sun failed to make an appearance yesterday which, when you are at your lowest ebb or hormones are throwing you all over the place, is capable of affecting your mood. I want to make the most of this morning's sunshine before it disappears or - even worse! - transforms into a thundery storm, ruining previous hopes of wearing my new trainers in mud-free grass. Sunshine helps matters, along with talking about your thoughts and taking things easy; after all, life is too short, isn't it? Before I know it, I will have sprung back to my usual form and won't give a second thought to how I currently feel - in all honesty, it isn't worth thinking about!

In the future, I'll try to keep a tighter lid on excitement for the sake of the purple-ish bags underneath my eyes but, like Chelsea losing in the Champions League semi-finals, some things cannot be avoided. As I had never stepped foot in a secondary school, I was bound to be excited about getting my first glimpse into life at a secondary school which, if I hadn't expressed a desire to visit it, would have been a great worry indeed! All in all, I can't wait to return after half-term, though part of myself is dying to get my schoolbooks out and start studying at this very moment; right now, my inner 'geek' is holidaying in paradise!

And finally, here are a few words of LikeATeen wisdom: whatever you do, please do not bring up the possibility of afternoon naps, regardless of how tired/excited I am!