Usually, I don't like to write notes on Life As a Modern Teen because 1) they totally do not cater to my style of writing - a.k.a. writing thousands and thousands of words within what is probably within the space of five minutes - and 2) I'm so unused to writing very little that I feel somewhat out of my depth when I force myself to cut down on the amount I write.
Still, today definitely requires an oh-so-quick note, as this entry's title suggests: I need to make my point as clear as a spot-free face very quickly. The reason why? Time is eating away into everything that I hold dear, displaying a greediness more profound and noticeable than my brother's penchant for devouring a bag of Haribo wine gums as a so-called 'snack'. Within days, I've suddenly found myself wondering where all my time is going because it keeps slipping through my fingers like a greasy deep-fried chicken wing; play time has to be sacrificed, while hard work takes up increasingly more of my time.
This seriously winds me up because I honestly assumed that all of my hard work - or at least the worst of it - would have been completed weeks ago, back to when I was simply living to survive my two awfully stressful weeks of mock exams after the Easter holidays. But no, I've been blessed with the honour of sitting yet more exams, all of which will be taking place next week - now the panic shall begin in full flow!!!
Right now, I'm trying in vain to keep my cool (even though the humidity here certainly doesn't help, making it harder for me to actually cool down) because getting stressed out won't change the fact that these mocks are quickly approaching: unless I disappear off the face of Earth for a week, there is very little way that I will avoid the nightmare which is about descend on my world. Although it is likely to be one of the most stressful ones because it is among the subjects that I'd like to study in sixth form (which requires me to obtain at least a B grade), I'm nonetheless glad that my Performing Arts mock will last all day next Friday because I'll get out of sitting one of my Maths mocks - and acting is definitely much easier than calculating the probability of which flavoured yoghurt Katie ate!
Sadly, all of these mocks require preparation, which means that I'll be devoting quite a bit of my weekend to facing up to the extraordinarily exhausting week ahead of me - obviously not my idea of fun, but it cannot be helped! As a result, I shall be keeping an even lower profile on LAAMT for a while until everything calms down - which shall officially be after I get home on Friday afternoon, producing the best feeling that I could possibly experience after a full week of school!
In many ways, I suppose that I'm coming to terms with the fact that all of these mocks I'm preparing for - which I take as seriously as watching each episode of The Vampire Diaries in order - are mere obstacles before I sit my actual exams in less than a years' time. Without a doubt, I've overcome my fears of sitting exams thanks to practising how to cope with my mocks, yet I have had to acknowledge that I need to put my priorities in order - including how to keep myself sane in between the stressful bits!
As much as I love blogging, I'm finding it increasingly impossible to juggle it with other activities, all of which require a decent amount of time and effort to get it right. If I can't produce my best work because time is pressurising me to write whatever I can for the pure sake of it, I really don't see the point in posting anything until that pressure has been relieved from my shoulders. And, with my calender being filled with numerous things at the moment, I need to appreciate the time to relax and breathe.
Before I waste another paragraph beating around the bush, I'll finally force myself to get to the point: I'm cutting down on blogging duties. Sob. Sigh. Break down into hysterical tears. Why, you plead upon stumbling onto your knees, do you have to leave ME?, you might be asking, yet I think that I've already made my point clear. I don't want to give up something that I'm really proud of yet, at the same time, there are other things in my life which also provide me with such a strong sense of pride. Forcing yourself to cut back on your loves is definitely not easy, but I've realised that it's better to do so now before I endure a mini breakdown in the near future - when any mistakes cannot be afforded.
Besides, I feel as though I've reached a point in my life when I'm leaving one part in search of another. I'm now sixteen, no longer a young teen but not yet an adult: where in this world do I fit in? I'm too old to mess around like an innocent eleven year old can, but I'm not deemed mature enough to experience richer cultures and travel around the world in search of a fresh adventure. When I set LAAMT up at the age of fourteen, I had a stronger sense of who I was because I fell into a category which I knew completely represented me but, two years on, I'm not so sure. There are so many questions that I keep asking myself but don't know the answer to: what are my interests? Who do I care about? What do I value in a person? Yet these questions can only be answered once I've gained more experience in this life; until then, I have little to say asides from complaining about my eternal love/hate relationship with algebraic equations!
In the meantime, I shall be enriching myself by getting out there and gaining new experiences which will hopefully serve to inspire me on those boring, depressing rainy days when I can't be bothered to do anything apart from writing. By then, perhaps I'll have plenty more to say - and stop feeling as though I've said all that has needed to be said. That might be the case for one part in my life, but definitely not in the new chapter upon which I'm embarking.
Until then, see you whenever I'm around!
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